Made Me Think

Today, thinking about my own aging, I considered the importance of desperately wanting my time to be my own, of hoping Mom and Dad can forgive me for that. MMT--I'm not as good about forgiving transgressions that I, myself, haven't already committed.

Made Me Think

Last night I finished a book about China written by a Peace Corp worker who lived there and taught literature at Fuling University ("River Town" by Peter Hessler). I now recognize the futility of attempting to understand a culture using any language other than the one that gave it birth. MMT

Made Me Think

Last night, I sat on the edge of Dad's bed holding his wasted and emaciated body against me as tightly as he clung to the IV pole and to life. I had just released him to hospice care, while at the same time I was fighting to keep him from a fatal fall. MMT

Made Me Think

Today, while walking the dogs out by Cedar Fort, I slipped in the muck and fell. My feet went high and to the left, my hands frantically, and unsuccessfully, tried to get rid of my pockets, and I landed with a harmless thunk and slurp on my right hip. Had Dad been there, we'd have been doubled over in laughter, sliding and flailing in the mud. But he wasn't and I just slithered to my feet, hands still in my pockets and walked on, with cakes of mud falling from my jeans as they dried. Didn't even crack a smile. MMT

Made Me Think

Yesterday, Mom told me of a visit from an old friend. The friend reminisced with Dad about all the jokes he used to play on her. Mom said Dad "lit up like a Christmas Tree." I realized his friend gave him the gift of being what he once was instead of what he is, even if it was only for a moment. MMT

Made MeThink

Last night, I asked Dad how his day was. He made the same gesture with his hands (wagging them slowly back and forth above his head) that his mother used to make when she didn't want to speak for fear of betraying her true emotion. MMT

Made Me Think

This week, Mom lodged a formal sexual harassment complaint against her dark, young, and handsome CNA. She said he wanted her to get naked and have fun in the shower with him. In her mind she is still the beautiful, buxom, sweet sixteen she once was, needing protection from a world of hormone-crazed men. MMT